For a long time people told me I was courageous about the things I did. Hundreds of times, “You have courage.” Or “the Spirit is with you.” (Nuns mostly.) Many other times and different places. You have courage, or the Spirit is with you.
But I never felt anything that I did was about being courageous. Having courage was not there, all those times. I was really scared, I really did not have courage. But I knew what was right to do, with the beliefs I have. Scared and not liking it, but the right thing to do. It can really suck to stand up when injustices happen. It can really hurt your life and change many things. Maybe there is NO benefit from doing the right thing, except you can live with yourself.
I do not know what the right words are for this. But I posted this because I have been saying something under my breath. I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid anymore. (True, or trying to convince myself?)
Okay. I was wrong. It takes courage — or living with being afraid.
Vigil at Holy Cross 